“Be like the sun for grace and mercy. Be like the night to cover others' faults. Be like running water for generosity. Be like death for rage and anger. Be like the Earth for modesty. Appear as you are. Be as you appear.”
― Rumi
I used to ask questions of God and the Universe all the time. Constantly wondering what purpose all this pain we felt as human beings served. We come into the world squalling and vulnerable, overwhelmed by pain, unexpected feeling and emotion and so much stimulation, it is a shock to our systems after floating in the quiet, protected safety and darkness of our mother's womb. Our entire lives we are lulled into the belief that what shocks us upon entrance into this lifetime is to be expected...it's the norm. The noise. The chaos. The crowded existence that is us.
There was a time when I stopped asking questions. When my consciousness was so complacent I didn't care. I didn't feel. I didn't want. Didn't know I could want anything different. Used to the pain. Feelings dulled by a constant barrage of hurtful words and not enough time. It came to a screeching halt when my marriage ended.
Once again, my world was rent open and I came squalling back into the world. Overwhelmed and vulnerable. Feeling pain like I had never experienced it. Shocked by this "new" existence. And this was supposed to be my "new normal".
Struggle and pain are great educators. They teach you what you don't want in your life-what you don't want to go through, and what you refuse to accept. They teach you how to survive. They teach you to become more efficient, more specific and careful. And struggle and pain teach you how to avoid more of the same. You experience enough struggle and pain, you become really honest about it too. If you're like me, you share it.
So, one of the things I understand about myself and people like me is that there are those of us who experience a lot of pain have several outcomes. We can allow ourselves to be defeated and succumb to suffering and pain. Some of those that succumb can become depressed, drink to excess, do drugs, develop eating disorders, and what have you all in the effort to inure yourself to the pain. Some of us become numb. Emotionless. Uncaring. "Blank". I've had both of those reactions...The third thing that happens to those that experience a lot of pain and struggle is interesting. For some of us, pain and struggle impels us to rise above and become something we didn't know we could. It impels us to be more. Be better. And we conquer the pain and struggle with grace.
I've often wondered about grace. True Grace. Divine Grace. I know I've been touched by it, because I couldn't have made it through my personal hell without it. But, what IS it?
Merriam Webster defines grace as:
grace
grās/
noun
noun: grace; noun: grace period; plural noun: grace periods;
noun: His Grace; noun: Her Grace; noun: Your Grace; adjective: His
1.simple elegance or
refinement of movement.
"she moved
through the water with effortless grace"
synonyms: elegance, poise, gracefulness, finesse;
More
suppleness,
agility, nimbleness, light-footedness
"the grace of
a ballerina"
antonyms: inelegance, stiffness
courteous
goodwill.
"at least
he has the grace to admit his debt to her"
synonyms: courtesy, decency, (good) manners, politeness,
decorum, respect, tact More
"he at
least had the grace to look sheepish"
antonyms: effrontery
an
attractively polite manner of behaving.
plural noun:
graces
"she has
all the social graces"'
I was never the most physically graceful girl. In fact, my mother used to tease me that she should have named me Grace just so I could have some. I'm not nimble footed, I'm not agile. But, people like me do have poise and elegance. I had an aunt that described my bearing as regal...regardless if I'm in rags and I'm humbled by circumstance, I hold my head high. The women in my family taught me well this lesson. "You never bow your head in defeat. Raise your head high like the standards we give you."
There's a lot more to the definition.
2.
(in Christian
belief) the free and unmerited favor of God, as manifested in the salvation of
sinners and the bestowal of blessings.
a divinely
given talent or blessing.
plural noun:
graces
"the
graces of the Holy Spirit"
the condition
or fact of being favored by someone.
"he fell
from grace because of drug use at the Olympics"
synonyms: favor,
approval, approbation, acceptance, esteem, regard, respect; More
goodwill
"she fell
from grace"
favor,
goodwill, generosity, kindness, indulgence;
formal benefaction
"he lived
there by grace of the king"
antonyms: disfavor
To be truly educated by struggle and pain, you must understand that you must work through the struggle and pain, be uncomfortable with it and to have faith that you will be delivered of your pain and struggle to receive grace. In Ephesians 2:8-9 8: For by grace are ye saved through faith; and that not of your selves: it is the gift of God: 9: Not of works, lest any man should boast.
3.
a period
officially allowed for payment of a sum due or for compliance with a law or
condition, especially an extended period granted as a special favor.
"another
three days' grace"
synonyms: deferment, deferral, postponement,
suspension, adjournment, delay, pause; More
respite, stay,
moratorium, reprieve
"they have
five days' grace to decide"
4.
a short prayer of
thanks said before or after a meal.
"before
dinner the Reverend Newman said grace"
synonyms: blessing, prayer of thanks, thanksgiving,
benediction More
"who would
like to say this evening's grace?"
5.
used as forms of
description or address for a duke, duchess, or archbishop.
"His Grace,
the Duke of Atholl"
I
love the word benediction in this part of the definition. An
invocation. A short prayer. A blessing. Grace needs these to work in
your life. You must ask for divine intervention, put yourself at the
mercy of your higher power. Not seeking the end to a means, but for the
best possible outcome for you. You are not asking for specifics. To be delivered of pain and struggle means that you will receive this gift...this understanding that there is something bigger than us, greater than us...leading us to favor. You can think of your pain and struggle as payment for receiving this favor. Praying, or meditation, is a huge part of this.
verb
verb: grace; 3rd person present: graces; past tense: graced;
past participle: graced; gerund or present participle: gracing
1.
do honor or credit
to (someone or something) by one's presence.
"she bowed
out from the sport she has graced for two decades"
synonyms: dignify, distinguish, honor, favor; More
enhance, ennoble,
glorify, elevate, aggrandize, upgrade
"the occasion
was graced by the president"
(of a person
or thing) be an attractive presence in or on; adorn.
"Ms.
Pasco has graced the front pages of magazines like Elle and Vogue"
synonyms: adorn, embellish, decorate, ornament, enhance;
More
Receiving grace into our lives allows us to be dignified and to have us elevated past our struggles and pain. For we will have truly been honored to receive it.
Every time I accept the things in my life-difficult or favored, I know a lot of how I accept things determines how these things will affect me in my daily life. How you accept things determines your attitude.
My pilot friends understand attitude a little differently than most people do. Attitude flying is all about your relationship to the horizon and how you deal with pressure and control as life throws you around a bit like turbulence does a plane. Pilots say that the primary rule of attitude flying is:
ATTITUDE + POWER = PERFORMANCE
Take into account your position now. See where you need to be. Make the necessary adjustments as you go. Keep yourself parallel to the ground. Follow the horizon. Combined, those give you the performance you need to stay your course. No matter the weather, or turbulence.
ATTITUDE + POWER = PERFORMANCE
The primary rule of attitude flying is: ATTITUDE + POWER = PERFORMANCE
- See more at:
http://www.aboutflight.com/airplane-flying-handbook/ch03-basic-flight-maneuvers/attitude-flying#sthash.AQskAJKT.dpuf
The primary rule of attitude flying is: ATTITUDE + POWER = PERFORMANCE
- See more at:
http://www.aboutflight.com/airplane-flying-handbook/ch03-basic-flight-maneuvers/attitude-flying#sthash.AQskAJKT.dpuf
The primary rule of attitude flying is: ATTITUDE + POWER = PERFORMANCE
- See more at:
http://www.aboutflight.com/airplane-flying-handbook/ch03-basic-flight-maneuvers/attitude-flying#sthash.AQskAJKT.dpuft
“I do not understand the mystery of grace -- only that it meets us where we are and does not leave us where it found us.”
― Anne Lamott
The greatest lesson about grace in dealing with struggle and pain is that I shouldn't try to dissect why I experience pain and struggle too much. Sometimes there is a reason, sometimes not. There are times that situations may be out of my control and there isn't anything I can do to change what's going on. I just have to ride it out, have faith, continue to pray and stay my course with my head held high and my eyes on the horizon. I don't have to understand it. The pain and struggle sometimes doesn't have any meaning other than perhaps I need to be more cognizant of my choices.
I do know that without grace, I wouldn't have made it this far. I am grateful for everything that comes into my life...good and not so good...because it all adds up inside me, defines who I am, and shapes how I handle things in my life. Grace helps to give me perspective. It helps to give me balance. So, I can eventually find the favor. The gift. Every day IS a gift. There is a reason it's called "the present"...
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