“To awaken each morning with a smile brightening my face; to greet the day with reverence for the opportunities it contains; to approach my work with a clean mind; to hold ever before me, even in the doing of little things, the Ultimate Purpose toward which I am working; to meet men and women with laughter on my lips and love in my heart; to be gentle, kind, and courteous through all the hours; to approach the night with weariness that ever woos sleep and the joy that comes from work well done -- this is how I desire to waste wisely my days.”
~Thomas Dekker~
There are very few things in life that bring you sublime joy and bliss. When you find something that makes you glow in the dark happy, want to be constantly strive to be better and to give of yourself freely, clutch that to yourself and hang onto it tight.
I have daily conversations with my Momma. I see people look at me funny when I tell them that I talk to my Momma every day. I know they're just wondering "What new thing can you possibly talk about every day?"
Life. Family. Love. Loss. Struggle. Failure. Success. Work. Play. Culture. Tradition. Stories. Baseball. Football. Food. You name it, we talk about it.
Every day?!?
Yes. Every. Day.
Today we talked about several things. My work was the first. She always asks a lot of questions about what I do. She hears the love I have for my work, the excitement when I learn or do something new, and the reverence I have for the people who chose me, who teach me and who want me to go farther than they ever have or will, and the gratitude I have to be able to help people. It's humbling and gratifying and the most fulfilling thing I have experienced aside from being a mother. It's life's work. It's a labor of love...
I told her I always felt like I disappointed my family because other than my massage credentials I didn't have a degree. Her words:
"You know what I see when I look at my children? What makes me proudest? You're all happy in your lives. It doesn't matter to me that you don't have a piece of paper that tells the world that you did something. It matters to me that you love what you do, the people who are in your life and that you are happy. That's it. You're soooo lucky that you have work that fulfills you. People go their entire lifetimes without ever experiencing that satisfaction. You KNOW what that satisfaction feels like. You are very rich that way! I feel like all my children have something in their lives that they do with great love. With you it's your job and your children. You love both equally. You're very good at being a mother. And you're very good at your work."
I may be around the corner from 40, but I still need my Momma's reassurance and acceptance. A child always needs their mother. They're the foundation of their lives. The bedrock upon which they build their self-esteem, their confidence and their abilities.
One of the things I had been focusing on a lot in my life is to completely embrace my roles. It helps me to be confident in myself. It reassures me. I've been having a lot of epiphanies about who I am, and more importantly who I want to continue to become...to guide my evolution into the womanhood I deserve. Yes, I believe I deserve a great deal. So should you. And accept that you deserve great things. Damn skippy!
Now, work wasn't the only thing I spoke of with Momma. We talked about my Granny, because today is the 21st anniversary of my Granny's death when she succumbed to cancer. I miss my grandmother so very much. I wished for a long time that we had more time with her and that she could have taught me more. I was floored when I realized it was 21 years that she's been gone. It passed in the blink of an eye...that scared me. Because I don't want to lose the next 21 years like the past 21. I missed out a lot on life and I don't intend to miss out on anything anymore.
Motherhood. Life's work. Ultimate purpose. It all boils down to love. We do these things, the important things and menial things, but we don't think about their meaning or that we should do these things with love. I mean, how much meaning and importance can you find in doing dishes or scubbing out toilets? Cleaning up day in and day out the same messes? Deal with crazy schedules and constant "work"? Why should I approach the tasks I used to abhor with the same attitude that I approach the things I love? Because they are both valuable. Especially when you're doing them for people that mean the world to you. Thus, the acceptance of the importance of roles. (More on that in a bit)
12 Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, 13 for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose.
14 Do everything without grumbling or arguing, 15 so that you may become blameless and pure, “children of God without fault in a warped and crooked generation.”[a] Then you will shine among them like stars in the sky 16 as you hold firmly to the word of life. And then I will be able to boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor in vain.
~Philippians 2:12-16~
I love this line: "...for it is God who works in you to will and to act in order to fulfill his good purpose." People who know me well, know I'm not religious by any means. But, I am spiritual. I believe very much in God, a Higher Power, The Creator, a Master of the Universe...I also believe that I have a purpose on this earth, and it's my job to find that purpose and live it.
My belief that everything I do has a purpose gives me the impetus to do everything I do with joy and enthusiasm. Even washing dishes and scrubbing out the toilet. And especially if what I'm doing may scare the shit out of me. Conquering our fears is the way we grow and learn what we are capable of. My favorite times are after I conquer something I wasn't sure I could do.
Conscientiously choosing to do everything without complaint is a very powerful decision. When you complain, you give energy to the negative. It drains you. It suppresses your immune system (really, there is scientific evidence that a negative attitude does this). It also feeds your fear. You don't need that.
As far as roles go? My acceptance of roles has a lot to do with my current understanding who I am as an indigenous person. Men and women have some pretty clear roles in my culture. They don't complain about what they have to do. They just do it. Men travel to hunt, work, provide. Women stay home more often than not. Raise the children. Provide the foundation for the family. And they work their asses off. It's not that women work harder than men. It's that they have different kinds of work. How best to explain this...?
A friend and I were talking about traditional roles and how her grandfather explained men and women to her. He called her this nickname that she didn't understand and was kind of resentful about.
"Why do you call me that?"
"Let me tell you a story...God created man from woman. She was made of his rib. And because he was made of this part of his chest, she took most of his heart. He gave her most of his heart because she carries everyone. She carries her husband. She carries her children. She carries the traditions. She is the heart of the family. She's the stabilizer. She's the earth for the family. Because she has more of the heart, she has the capacity to hurt more, to feel more deeply, she's more protective and has the capacity to cry for the things that hurt her family. She is the very core of the family. And the strongest members in our communities."
Women today, Native or non, tend to look at the work that women have done traditionally as subservient and lowly. It's not true. Men and women just have different roles. They are equally important. As a woman who fought so long for my own independence, it's kind of ironic that I had finally come to this acceptance of the very thing I was taught to believe. I embrace my role. Wholeheartedly. I don't expect fanfare, I don't want acknowledgement for doing the necessary things that I have to do because I love my family. The work I do isn't a sacrifice for me. It's an honor to be needed so deeply, so vitally. It fulfills me. I have a feeling I'd feel the same had I found the right partner and made a life with him. So long as he had the same value.
“Every day, think as you wake up, today I am fortunate to be alive, I have a precious human life, I am not going to waste it. I am going to use all my energies to develop myself, to expand my heart out to others; to achieve enlightenment for the benefit of all beings. I am going to have kind thoughts towards others, I am not going to get angry or think badly about others. I am going to benefit others as much as I can.” ~Dalai Lama XIV~My Ultimate Purpose is the same good mothers have the world over. To take care of my loved ones. To do everything I do for them with the intention I will do my best. And to do things for the benefit of people other than myself. Selfless? Hell no. I'm just a mother. I'm just a woman. And I want to make the best of my life I possibly can. Take every opportunity to do something good. Enjoy my family. Develop my skills. Treat the people in my circle with respect and consideration. My Ultimate Purpose is to BE love. I want the next 21 years to be memorable because I don't want to waste a second on things that don't bring me joy. I embrace my fears regarding love, because truly love has never hurt me. Fear of love has. Absence of love has. Avoidance of love definitely has. I refuse because I need to love to be happy. To have a purpose. And to fulfill my life's work. If I find things along the way I didn't anticipate or expect? All the better! Bring it on!
The Dalai Lama also asks people the question "What prevents you from living the way you want to live your life?”
What's your excuse?
